PORT ST. LUCIE — A South Florida woman was arrested after she allegedly hit her estranged husband who tried to barge into her bedroom while she was pleasuring herself.
According to a hilarious only-in-Florida Port St. Lucie Police Department arrest affidavit, Flavia Higgs, 42 and Garrett Higgs, 43, are still married, but they’ve been sleeping in separate bedrooms for a long time and haven’t been intimate in over a year.
So Garrett was incredulous when he came home to his Port St. Lucie home at 12:30 a.m. and heard moaning coming from the room where Flavia was staying, convinced that there was another man in his house.
This is what the arresting officer wrote in his report: “[Garrett] said he came home and heard moaning from the house. he said he and his wife have been estranged for some time living in separate bedrooms and he had not had any intimate time in over a year. He said when he heard the noise he went to the room where she was staying and heard the sounds again. He said the door was locked, he banged and she would not answer the door. He said the thought there was another man in his house and he used a screwdriver to open the door. Flavia at this point tried to stop him from entering the room and tried to physically escort him out. He tried to get past her and pushed her arm against the wall at which point she struck him in the face, he wasn’t sure if it was open or closed handed. When this happened they both started screaming and yelling and she called 911.
“Upon speaking with Flavia her account of the story was very similar. She said their relationship was failing and she had been living in another room. She said she was pleasuring herself and he barged into the room. She jumped up and went to the door to stop him and tried to physically escort him away at which point he pushed her arm away and against the wall. .”
The officer wrote that neither party had any marks on them. Still a likely-embarassed Flavia was charged with domestic battery and taken to jail because she’s the one who initiated physical contact.
Moral of the story?
Knock. Always knock.