CLEARWATER — Right now, all of Florida is focused on Hurricane Irma, but this past weekend another “act of nature” got a man and his girlfriend arrested after he allegedly performed oral sex on her “in the middle of families” who were just trying to have a nice Labor Day weekend afternoon at the beach.
According to cops, Jeffrey Kernan, 50, “was performing oral sex on his girlfriend … in front of families and children” on Clearwater Beach.
The object of Kerman’s affection was his much younger girlfriend Alexandria Rowell, 26.
Though Clearwater Police Officer Lee S. Curtis, according to the arrest affidavit, contacted Kernan “as he was performing oral sex on his girlfriend,” the patrolman didn’t nab him for public indecency or performing lewd acts in front of children.
Instead, Kernan and Rowell wer booked on the misdemeanor charge of possessing an open container of alcohol, a “pint size open can of Four Loco,” to be exact.
The beverage was actually Four Loko, a “premium malt beverage” that comes in flavors like Blue Mofo and Purple Hooter.
How Florida is that?