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FLORIDUH Plan to Catch Thief Goes Terribly Awry!

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FLORIDUH Plan to Catch Thief Goes Terribly Awry!

A mousetrap can catch more than mice! (via Wikipedia)

BRADENTON — Florida man Nicholas Dibble, 63, believed someone from his neighborhood, either the “drug dealer across the street” or the woman who runs a “house of prostitution next door,” was stealing his mail and he planned to catch the thief.

But his plan, to put it lightly, was somewhat less than perfect.

Determined to nab the mail thief in the act, Dibble—a disabled retiree who worked as a meat cutter at Publix and clearly has too much time on his hands—placed an armed mousetrap in his mailbox and raised the flag.

The inevitable police report that resulted from this action noted that Dibble hoped “to catch someone stealing his mail” and that he “had planned to make the mail carrier aware of the trap.”

The mail carrier in question—37-year-old Cynthia Humphreys-Smith—never received her warning, as she happened to come “a different route and time” on Friday, according to the police report. When she attempted to retrieve Mr. Dibble’s outgoing mail, “her hand slammed in the trap.”

Unwelcome as this would be for anyone, it was particularly taxing for Humphreys-Smith, whose hand “had just recently healed from being broken.”

Whether Dibble has anything resembling evidence that the mail theft was taking place at all is uncertain, but he described his neighbors in an interview as “the drug dealer across the street” and a woman running a “house of prostitution next door,” so his low opinion of them as people deserving of being caught in a mousetrap is clear.

Dibble could well have been arrested for battery when police responded, but Humphreys-Smith was merciful.

“The sweet woman did not want to file charges against me,” Dibble explained.

Though he may have dodged trouble with the law, Dibble didn’t get off entirely scot-free: The U.S. Postal Service will no longer deliver mail to his home.

Despite his overtly crazy behavior, Dibble still managed to consider this an injustice. He complained that—due to his lack of transportation—he would have a hard time getting his mail without delivery.

“I am the victim,” he asserted.

On one hand, though, Dibble comes out ahead: The drug dealers and prostitutes on his street will no longer get the satisfaction of perusing his Comcast bills.

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